Archive for the ‘Gratitude,’ Category

By Anne Condon
Saturday, December 6, 2008

We’re hearing of turmoil and increasing trouble as the economy continues to descend dramatically. How do people deal with this kind of crisis? Two experiences I’ve had might shed some light.

At 17 my father took me to the bank to open my first account. He kept it simple. “If we deposit $100,” he said, “and right away you spend $105, you’re in trouble. But if you spend $95 and save $5, you’ll be on safe ground.”

I blurted out, “Well, what if I only spend $75 and save $25?” I’ll never forget his response. “Honey, if you can live by that principle, you’ll always be in control of your finances!” To this day I’ve followed his instructions. The result: solvency, self-respect, peace of mind.

The vicissitudes of life, however, can catch us unawares, and we find ourselves forced to face this unhappy fact. Years ago our family had some horrendous financial reversals.

We were in a rental then, and one afternoon I was near panic, wondering how the rent would be paid. It was due shortly. I recall thinking of a verse from Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalms 46:10). Continuing to calm myself, I opened my Bible to the Lord’s Prayer. The verse that stood out in my great need was, “Give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11).

One Bible commentary said it was a sin to look to tomorrow. God meets our every need today. That is enough!

Assessing our situation, I thought how true. We had a roof over our heads, clean sheets on the beds, and a pot of homemade chili simmering on the stove. All needs were met for that single day. What a humbling lesson to live in the moment of now.

I felt the heavy mental weight begin dropping away. I stopped worrying and being overly anxious. My desire was to be right with God, and that meant losing the fear and trusting Him completely. In my study, I discovered a corroborating statement that heartened my faith. “Never ask for tomorrow: it is enough that divine Love is an ever-present help; and if you wait, never doubting, you will have all you need every moment. This sweet assurance is the ‘Peace, be still,’ to all human fears, to suffering of every sort” (“Miscellaneous Writings” by Mary Baker Eddy, http:// www.spirituality.com).

That very peace washed over me with fresh hope and courage and joyful expectation. I knew I’d reached a higher plateau of spiritual understanding where I could experience God’s law of infinite supply operating in my life. And so it proved. Our financial obligations were all met, and our circumstances began to improve.

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Today my goal is to “owe no man anything but to love one another” (Romans 13:8). I see this love as unconditional; love that excludes the exploitation of others; love that includes the liberating compassion of Christ. Embracing this idea can bring God’s bountiful blessings to all mankind.

Happiness is contagious: study

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Happiness is contagious, researchers reported on Thursday.

The same team that demonstrated obesity and smoking spread in networks has shown that the more happy people you know, the more likely you are yourself to be happy.

And getting connected to happy people improves a person’s own happiness, they reported in the British Medical Journal.

“What we are dealing with is an emotional stampede,” Nicholas Christakis, a professor of medical sociology at Harvard Medical School in Boston, said in a telephone interview.

Christakis and James Fowler, a political scientist at the University of California, San Diego, have been using data from 4,700 children of volunteers in the Framingham Heart Study, a giant health study begun in Framingham, Massachusetts in 1948.

They have been analyzing a trove of facts from tracking sheets dating back to 1971, following births, marriages, death, and divorces. Volunteers also listed contact information for their closest friends, co-workers, and neighbors.

They assessed happiness using a simple, four-question test.

“People are asked how often during the past week, one, I enjoyed life, two, I was happy, three, I felt hopeful about the future, and four, I felt that I was just as good as other people,” Fowler said.

The 60 percent of people who scored highly on all four questions were rated as happy, while the rest were designated unhappy.

CONNECTIONS EQUAL HAPPINESS

People with the most social connections — friends, spouses, neighbors, relatives — were also the happiest, the data showed. “Each additional happy person makes you happier,” Christakis said.

“Imagine that I am connected to you and you are connected to others and others are connected to still others. It is this fabric of humanity, like an American patch quilt.”

Each person sits on a different-colored patch. “Imagine that these patches are happy and unhappy patches. Your happiness depends on what is going on in the patch around you,” Christakis said.

“It is not just happy people connecting with happy people, which they do. Above and beyond, there is this contagious process going on.”

And happiness is more contagious than unhappiness, they discovered.

“If a social contact is happy, it increases the likelihood that you are happy by 15 percent,” Fowler said. “A friend of a friend, or the friend of a spouse or a sibling, if they are happy, increases your chances by 10 percent,” he added.

A happy third-degree friend — the friend or a friend of a friend — increases a person’s chances of being happy by 6 percent.

“But every extra unhappy friend increases the likelihood that you’ll be unhappy by 7 percent,” Fowler said.

The finding is interesting but it is useful, too Fowler said.

“Among other benefits, happiness has been shown to have an important effect on reduced mortality, pain reduction, and improved cardiac function. So better understanding of how happiness spreads can help us learn how to promote a healthier society,” he said.

SHREWSBURY, Mass. — The imminent chopping down of a crab-apple tree, to make way for a large trash bin, was the last straw.

Lee Perrone and Pat Henry, residents of a subsidized housing complex for the elderly here, tied chairs to the tree and sat down to protect it. Their protest kept the chain saws at bay, drawing curious onlookers and local reporters. A meals-on-wheels program sent them food. Their landlord, the Shrewsbury Housing Authority, sent them eviction notices.

“My daughter thinks I lost it,” says Ms. Perrone, 74 years old. Her friend Ms. Henry is 65.

The eviction notices brought to a head more than a year of friction between the housing agency and tenants of Shrewsbury’s Francis Gardens apartments, in a battle over cluttered patios, fire codes, an allegedly dangerous garbage bin, and who decides what’s best for old people.

It was the garbage-bin hazard that meant the crab-apple tree had to go, the housing agency said. Another tenant injured her arm after falling on uneven pavement near the trash bin. The place chosen to relocate it was where the tree stood.

Francis Gardens is the kind of “independent living” community that more people who want to avoid nursing homes are winding up in. Residents of such places often cope with limited mobility and advancing infirmity, as they try to preserve their quality of life. In Shrewsbury, a central Massachusetts town of some 33,000, tenants bristled at what they saw as excessive safety precautions.

Francis Gardens, an array of brick-and-yellow-clapboard houses, has 100 one-bedroom apartments that tenants rent for a third of their monthly income. Many residents, especially elderly women living alone, have taken special pride in their decks and patios and decorated them with flower pots and rugs. In the warm months, social life revolves around the outside areas.

The trouble began in June 2007, when a state public-housing inspector noticed that a door on one apartment’s deck was blocked by furniture, which it called a “fire-egress obstruction.” In a letter the next month to residents, Dennis Osborn, executive director of the Shrewsbury Housing Authority, cited violations of building and fire codes.

Later that summer, the authority issued a new obstruction policy. “No chairs, tables, flowerpots, wind chimes, flags, mobiles, birdhouses or similar items shall be placed on decks or patios, or hang from, gutters, hand railings, trees, or the buildings,” it said. “Common entry hallways must remain clear of floor mats, throw rugs [and] welcome mats.”

Tenants acknowledge some decks were overflowing with clutter. Ms. Perrone recalls one deck in particular looked like “the city dump.” But in a letter to the housing authority, 65 tenants asked why everyone should be punished. “Now you want us to take ALL things off our porches/patios,” a move that would give Francis Gardens “a blank sterile atmosphere,” the letter said. “That would only serve to hinder people [who] can’t walk very well from getting out at all.”

The authorities didn’t back down. “You can’t look at that as your patio or your deck,” says Gerald LaFlamme, who was the town’s fire chief at the time the obstruction policy was issued. “You have to look at it as a legal entity called ‘the fire exit.’ ” Mr. LaFlamme says blocked exits have hampered his firemen in the past.

Helen Jarzobski, 93, had set up a plastic table and four chairs on a grassy patch next to her small patio. “I had a little sign that said ‘friends welcome,’ ” recalls Ms. Jarzobski. “People would walk by, and they would sit and talk to me.” The housing authority removed the table and chairs, she says.

The new restrictions were particularly hard for Ms. Jarzobski. After a car accident a year ago convinced her to give up driving after 53 years, her world shrank to the size of her small apartment and her patio.

Ms. Perrone threw away the flowerpots hanging over the handrail of her deck, and removed the sun umbrella under which she used to read. Housing officials took away a rug and curtains she placed in a common hallway, she says.

Mr. Osborn of the housing authority declined repeated interview requests. Richard Ricker, one of the authority’s five commissioners, says the obstruction policy was based on “the lawful commands of the fire chief, and of the state and local inspectors.”

Before Halloween last year, Ms. Perrone borrowed a striped prison-style tracksuit and a cap and wore it to a small protest in the middle of Francis Gardens. She carried a sign that read “State-funded prison for senior citizens.” The protest brought local media attention and put the battle on the map.

After her patio furniture was confiscated, Ms. Jarzobski removed a birdbath from her deck. But Ms. Jarzobski, who is of Italian descent, refused to take down wind chimes and an Italian flag nailed to a tree in memory of her brother, who died in World War II. Her family bought her a new, elevated chair that was easier on her ailing legs — and chained it to a post on the deck to prevent housing officials from taking it.

In September, Ms. Jarzobski received a letter from Mr. Osborn, who ordered her to remove the chair and wind chimes or face possible eviction. Ms. Jarzobski ignored it, and on Sept. 23 received a 30-day eviction notice citing a “violation of the obstruction policy.” She’d lived in Francis Gardens for 32 years.

Ms. Perrone and Ms. Henry, who had been sitting guard at the crab-apple tree, received their eviction notices the same day. The two women, already angered by the obstruction policy, worried that the moved garbage bin would be too close to their windows. And Ms. Perrone says that just because the tree is old and scraggly doesn’t mean it needs to die. “My skin is flaky and I’m old, too,” she says.

Facing eviction, the tree defenders and Ms. Jarzobski filed complaints with the local housing court. Their lawyer chartered a bus to ferry the plaintiffs and other residents to the court hearing scheduled for late September.

After a state legislator decided to mediate, the housing authority chose to avoid a courtroom battle. On Sept. 29, the eviction notices were rescinded. Shrewsbury’s new fire chief, Robert Gaucher, says that as long as the tenants keep the fire-escape paths clear, they can have some personal items on their decks. “We are a little more flexible,” he says.

The crab-apple tree was saved, and the garbage bin is staying put. Housing officials say they plan to patch up the cracked concrete in its current location. To celebrate victory, Ms. Perrone dressed up as a crab-apple tree for Halloween this year. A new tenants committee has been meeting with the housing director twice a month to discuss concerns. “We are not looking for trouble at our age,” Ms. Perrone says.

Write to Philip Shishkin at philip.shishkin@wsj.com

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know. Old Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my father/mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.
seniorcitizenhumor.blogspot.com/ -


I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. And Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 40 &50’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it).