By Vic Chernoff

Anger

I was quite angry when I had my stroke in 2005.
The stroke came on my right side and I was very upset because I’m right-handed….
My first feelings were I’ll never be able to do anything again because I couldn’t move my feet or my arms.
I couldn’t even think, so I got angry because I lost my independence.

I decided to give my best and do with what I have so I took physical therapy and occupational therapy .
I am a Christian and I try to live according to the Bible, but I was still very angry ,
deep inside of me this anger raged . I understand now what I was angry at.
When you suffer a stroke or something that handicaps you, you lose control over things you’re used to doing .

As time went by I began to realize that I could be independent in certain areas so I’ve really tried hard.
For instance I used to use a regular razor to shave so I changed to an electric razor and was able to shave myself.
I got a an electric toothbrush and it was really easy to use and I felt more independent .
All this took time and I had to work on it constantly.

I worked hard each day doing my therapies and thinking positively.
I am very fortunate because my daughter would encourage me and helped me
and I feel like today I am doing much better.
I can move my hands and feet and actually can work on the computer so things are getting better.

One of my major problems was I would get angry with myself because my hands and feet would not do what I wanted them to.
I had to learn how to control my anger, face it, and get honest instead of burying it.
What you need is a person close to you that you can talk to about your feelings without pity.
I recommend that you have a close friend or relative nearby to share and talk with.
The key word here is encouragement.
You need this so desperately when you become handicapped . . move on as best you can.
If you choose to do nothing you’ll have a sad life.

It’s especially hard for us guys to be handicapped because we’re used to doing and thinking
about things to be done and many of us were so independent and now we come to the point where
we can’t do anything and it is very very frustrating.
It is hard to ask for and accept help.
It is still a daily struggle. It is hard to accept that your body will never be the same.
I used to swallow anger my entire life, which is part of what led up to my stoke.
Today I am trying to look at that anger and accept it as human, and understand myself for the first time in my life.
I am starting to realize that it is ok to feel angry, as long as you can accept it and move on.
With God’s grace, I feel like I am doing just that.

1/21/08