Posts Tagged ‘Handicapped,’

I came across this article by David Brooks and had to share it with my readers.

Born in the 1920s and 1930s, most of them learned work habits in an age of scarcity and then got to explore opportunities in an age of growth. Unlike later generations, many of the men went through a phase in which they did physical labor in a factory, even if later they went on to become professionals.

Many of the women were born with limited aspirations and only saw their horizons expanded with feminism. By middle age, people of both sexes were moving freely, assuming there would be a decent job wherever they settled.

Some of my correspondents were influenced by the social revolution of the ’60s.

Hugh Nazor writes, “My wife, who had quit college when we married, was bored with life and the roles of suburban housewife and mother. Her affair with my best friend was easy for me to understand. Having grown up in the repressive, conformist ’50s, those of us who had recently lost the trust of the younger generation by being ‘over 30’ felt cheated. We were of another era, and wanted more. After some time acting out and playing ‘Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice,’ my divorce was a foregone conclusion.”

Resilience is a central theme in these essays. I don’t think we remind young people enough that life is hard. Bad things happen.

Gilda Zelin lost her husband. “The loneliness will never disappear. The intensity ebbs as the years go by. To take care of the cold, empty nights, I have substituted an electric mattress warmer and large pillow to hug and push into, to take the place of my beloved.”

Robert Roy writes, “I often revisit the birth of my firstborn, Greg, and thoughts of who he would become. I fast-forward to when he was 35 and the image of placing a mahogany box filled with his ashes in a grave along side my mother and father.”

“My faith survived a trial by fire,” Marguerite E. Moore writes. “My seven-year-old son was hit by a car. Will he live? (Please God!) Will he regain consciousness? (Please God!) … I know how it feels to be totally vulnerable and to know God is the only being that can save my son. (He had five doctors, none of whom would look me in the eye.) I stormed heaven, begged, pleaded, swore and promised. He survived, and so did I. My faith is like a steel rod that goes through my core and the glue that holds me together.”

Most people give themselves higher grades for their professional lives than for their private lives. Almost everybody is satisfied with the contributions they made at work. The people who started family businesses seem especially happy.

At home, many give themselves mediocre grades. One workaholic describes the time his 6-year-old son brought a family portrait home from school. He wasn’t in it, but the dog and cat were.

“During my drinking years, I was unfaithful to my wife,” writes a doctor from Pennsylvania. “This is my greatest regret and shame and will remain so until I die.”

The essays give a big warning about the perils of marrying young. Some people found their beloved at 19 and have spent a blissful half-century with them. But many people married before they knew themselves and endured a lonely decade before divorcing. A vast majority of those people made a wiser choice the second time around.

When the writer has a happy marriage, the essay glows with contentment. Others somehow made it work. “It wasn’t a love match for me, or for him for that matter,” a woman from New Jersey writes, “but we made a good family and did very well for the first decade or so and stayed together until he died at 81.”

I’ve probably overemphasized the pitfalls of their lives in this column — I’ll write more about the positive lessons in the next one. But many of the writers have integrated the ups and downs into an enveloping sense of gratitude.

Judy Eddy from Nevada writes, “My symptoms of Parkinson’s disease have now become a major part of my life. But, oh wow! I think that I am handling Parkinson’s well — no despondency at what I can no longer do, but I get encouragement from everyone to do what I can. My life is full: love shared with family, love shared with friends, love shared with another dog, various projects and even another career, that keep my time occupied. How fortunate I am that I can count both my ex-husbands as friends, as we share a different kind of love from and for me.”
A version of this op-ed appeared in print on November 25, 2011, on page A35 of the New York edition with the headline: The Life Reports.

-When I had my stroke    I began to realize that I couldn’t go shopping for my personal stuff  anymore.  Well one more thing to remind me  that I was now handicapped!  I got very angry at myself for not paying more attention to my body and taking care of me.  Well, God helped me to get over it.  So I went to my computer and looked up Web drugstores.  I finally found one that I liked and set myself up an account .  I happen to use drug store.com.

I could order my toothpaste, mouth wash, shampoo, etc. and have it shipped directly to me.  I didn't have to wait until someone could take me to the drug store.  I had to learn how to shop on the Internet as this is a bit different than going into a store.  Doing this gave me a feeling of independence... [a good thing!].

One of the things that I had to come to grips with was shaving.  Now, I've always been a blade man.  Over the years, I've tried electric shaver's and not care for them.  Now that I've had a stroke.  I had to re-look at shaving.  I couldn't hold a blade in my hand.  So I had to have someone shave me.  Of course, this took away independence... so I decided to try an electric shaver.  Here at the drug store I've found just what I needed.  I used my Visa card and ordered it.  I must say I am very happy with the way it works.

Another thing that I am using  is a electric tooth brush.  This helps me to feel more independent also.  I couldn't brush my teeth so I needed help there  also.  Since I couldn't move my hand anymore, the electric toothbrush solved my problem.  I found that  Crest makes one just uses  batteries.  It works very well.