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Lost in the darnest
places!
An elderly Floridian called
911 on her cell phone to report
that her car has been broken
into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation to the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the
stereo, the steering wheel, the
brake pedal and even the
accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the
way."
A few minutes later, the
officer radios in. "Disregard."
He says. "She got in the
back-seat by mistake."
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and
96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws
a bath. She puts her foot in
and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting
in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I
don't know. I'll come up and
see." She starts up the stairs
and pauses "Was I going up the
stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is s itting at
the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She
shakes her head and says, "I
sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She
then yells, "I'll come up and
help both of you as soon as I
see who's at the door"
"I CAN HEAR JUST
FINE!"
Three
retirees, each with a hearing
loss, were playing golf one
fine March day. One remarked to
the other, "Windy, isn't
it?"
"No," the second man replied,
"it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in,
"So am I. Let's have a
beer."
LITTLE
LADY:
A little old lady
was running up and down the
halls in a nursing home. As she
walked, she would flip up the
hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex." She walked up to an
elderly man in a wheelchair.
Flipping her gown at him, she
said, "Supersex." He sat
silently for a moment or two
and finally answered, "I'll
take the soup."
OLD
FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been
friends for many decades. Over
the years, they had shared all
kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to
meeting a few times a week to
play cards. One day, they were
playing cards when one looked
at the other and said, "Now
don't get mad at me .. I know
we've been friends for a long
time, but I just can't think of
your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember
it. Please tell me what your
name is."
Her friend glared at her. For
at least three minutes she just
stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do
you need to know?"
SENIOR
DRIVING
As a
senior citizen was driving down
the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his
wife's voice urgently warning
him, "Herman, I just heard on
the news that there's a car
going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be
careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not
just one car. It's hundreds of
them!"
DRIVING
Two
elderly women were out driving
in a large car - both could
barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along,
they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they
just went on through. The woman
in the passenger seat thought
to herself "I must be losing
it. I could have sworn we just
went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they
came to another intersection
and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat
was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really c
oncerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous. At
the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was red and
they went on through. So, she
turned to the other woman and
said, "Mildred, did you know
that we just ran through three
red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said,
"Oh, crap, am I driving
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